Radical Acts no. 8

home education: selfish or courageous?

(You can listen to this email right here! It’s just under 10 minutes long.)

Hi friends,

how has your week been?

I posted this week about how I don’t believe home educating is selfish and individualistic - and then I realised an instagram caption doesn’t do this topic justice. So I thought I’d write more on it here, given that I’ve spoken about it a lot but never dealt with it in its entirety. It’s complex and there are layers. It doesn’t have a definite, one-dimensional answer.

First off, yes, it is a huge privilege to be able to take my children out of the public school system and choose to do something else - whether that is private education, alternative education or learning without school. I feel fortunate every single day.

There is also no denying that for many children school is a lifeline. School is better than home. That doesn’t mean that mainstream schooling is perfect. No - it is, without a shadow of a doubt, rooted in coercion (I’ll get to this later). And so, if school is the only safe place in a child’s life, it pretty much guarantees that home is very bad. If school, a place where children are routinely treated disrespectfully, is a good place, then it means that life at home is really extremely hard for that child, and perhaps abusive. So when we say that school is a lifeline for some kids - I think what we really mean is that it’s less bad. We don’t mean it’s necessarily good. Just less shitty than the alternative.

I suppose, depending on where you are in the world, school can also be a lifeline in the sense that it is the only place to get an education. And so if your family is struggling, sometimes, doing well in the only place available for getting an education, could actually be life-changing. This will look so different depending on where you live. And this “lifeline” doesn’t always lead to good things - take Carol Black’s documentary. Western models of education don’t necessarily equate to success outside of Western countries. And within Western countries, we have a lot of research to show that actually, no matter how well you do in school, your family background is ultimately a much better predictor of “outcomes” than your academic success. So - this topic is also multi-faceted and complex. School is the answer for *some* children. For many though, it’s a false friend - it makes us believe that our future success, defined in the conventional way (good university, high-paying job, etc), is dependent on our performance in school. In reality, it just isn’t. And it isn’t that simple.

That’s one point. The other one is that some children choose to take the package deal. They realise there is much that feels wrong about school, but perhaps they are also rewarded for being diligent and getting good grades, and so they take the deal, willingly - they put up with the unpleasant stuff and reap the benefits of the other stuff, and ultimately feel this sort of trade-off is worth it. These kids’ home life is probably mostly okay - and they are capable of understanding that school is offering them this sort of a deal. I used to be one of those kids - I said I loved school. But actually, looking back, it loved me more than I loved it, and I confused the sense of mastery and appreciation I got from school with genuinely loving school. In fact, it was just that I knew how to play the system - I was good at it, so I decided the icky stuff was worth the trouble if it meant I would ultimately be rewarded by good grades and an entrance into a good university. I’m using the word “good” here to mean what is widely accepted as desirable, and successful, in conventional terms. I also had various other privileges that helped me along the way. Had I not had them, I’m not sure I could have sailed through purely on my good grades.

So yeah - it’s complex. It’s easy to get sucked into the machinery of school, both as a parent and as a child. It’s sometimes easy to take the deal. But for many other kids - it won’t be easy or even possible. And this is where successful school-going becomes a privilege itself. And home education, or other alternatives, become a necessity. I’m referring to children who are routinely discriminated against within the school system, or children who just will not, or cannot, function at their best within a system that is at heart rigid, linear and a bit of a conveyor belt. If you slip off, it’s hard to get back on again without a ton of support, and sometimes even with. Neurodivergent kids feel this a lot - much of school makes literally no sense for them. They cannot sit still, they learn and develop is wildly different ways, it can feel overwhelming and overstimulating, and often none of it makes any sense. Functioning well within this system is a privilege - one many children do not hold.

Ok, onto another argument that is touted in some circles - the savior argument. It might be controversial to call it that, but that’s what it is. It is the argument that says: if I remove my (well-educated, socio-economically comfortable, smart, culturally ‘rich’) children from the public school system, I am essentially depleting my local community of the resources my family could have contributed, thereby selfishly looking out for ourselves only, and leaving everyone else to suffer.

Ok - there’s a lot to say on this. Firstly, I believe this narrative of saviourism is problematic. Why assume that because you are more educated and wealthier then your family’s presence will somehow benefit your community? Wealth does not equate to a connected, culturally rich family culture. Sending your children to your local public school will not automatically mean you are somehow sharing your wealth, education, privilege and time with others who are less fortunate. I recommend the podcast Nice White Parents - such a brilliant look at how the influx of white, privileged families in a previously mostly working class and Black and Brown neighborhood school, actually impacts the school and its students.

Of course it’s hard to generalize and I don’t know enough about this - perhaps there are communities where people of all backgrounds contribute to the public school, making it better than it would be if all the wealthy, educated families homeschooled. Do you know if this magical neighbourhood? Because if you do, I’d be thrilled to know about it. And also, if this was widely the case, we wouldn’t see de facto segregation in schools, right? We wouldn’t have really high achieving public schools in wealthy neighborhoods, and low achieving ones in poorer neighborhoods. Except we do. So the mere fact of sending your privileged child to public school, doesn’t automatically make the world a better place. Where you live matters. Which public school matters. Whether you are actively involved with the school matters. Who your children are friends with matters. So so many variables.

That said, perhaps sometimes it does. And that’s an important point. Perhaps in some towns and neighborhoods, it would be the right thing to do. But my problem with this is the following: is it my child’s responsibility to be exposed to a system that functions on coercion, in order to help our community? In other words, why am I using my child for my own ends? It really isn’t their fight - if you believe you need to contribute to the public school system, then YOU go contribute to it. And if not, perhaps you AND your child can contribute to your community in other ways, that are based in consent and respect.

I just think that if we were genuinely giving children a choice in whether to go to school or not, then we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. Because some children would go, and some wouldn’t, and that would be their choice to make. But of course not everyone has the choice, and I get that. So many children are stuck with school, because their parents don’t have a choice. I had periods of my life when school was the only option for my children - I couldn’t accommodate anything else. And there was no middle ground between mainstream schooling and home education.

Which brings me to my next point. Perhaps, if those of us outside of the school system, work to create structures and communities for ALL children, then slowly other accessible options to school will emerge. And okay this is rather idealistic, but I suppose this is where I want to bring my energy, and that’s what I’d like to use my privilege for. Mine - because I feel like that’s the only body I can make full decisions for. Not my child’s.

Rabbit Trails.

Last week I wrote about the adult gaze and I want to go deeper into how it shows up systemically and structurally - just within our environments, systems, institutions, and so on. Because it does. I’m going to write more about this next email - meanwhile I’m doing research because it turns out that reclaiming our vision of children as capable people also means looking at the ways we intensively parent and how this often implies the opposite - that children need to be protected and shielded. There seems to be a dichotomy here that I find hard to reconcile. And the way our societies and systems have incorporated this dichotomy is interesting. Anyway, more on this soon!

Books.

Sometimes I read fiction! I just finished Olga Dies Dreaming - it’s just the right amount of political for me (very), and there’s lots of good family dynamics, history, dysfunctional relationships and a bit of American Dream-bashing to top it all off. So good.

Have a wonderful rest of your week friends!

Love,

Fran x