Having grown up in the evangelical church and far right arena, thank you for this article. It’s definitely hard to be associated with that world, although I think unschoolers are a little outside of it. Hey, if HSLDA won’t represent you, maybe you’re doing something right? 😉
I was raised to think stay at home motherhood was the best. Ironically, my mother worked full time since I was school age, but all the literature I consumed from evangelicals told me staying home with your kids was the best - next to being a missionary, of course (and submit to your husband!). It never occurred to me that maybe one day I would need a career or other source of income until I read The Feminine Mistake. So while right now I’m a bit burned out, I’m treading water with my work and keeping it alive, and I would advocate for every mom to have some kind of work, or a solid plan for how she might get back to work when she wants to.
Not sure where I’m going with this other than yes, to me trad wives are dangerous (remind me of handmaids tale 😬). I feel like I barely made it out. Let’s reclaim homeschooling and unschooling from the far right! 🙌🏻
A libertarian anti-vaxer, who’s mistaken personal preferences for “freedom”
A a traditional Christian values homeschool family who teaches “religious science”
A homeschool influencer of various flavors, trad-wife being one.
AND us… the hard left leaning, rights of the child, social justice minded, approaching the journey as an opportunity for the familial (r)evolution … we need a hashtaggable short-hand.
We totally DO! Silence can look like alliance and it’s important, as you said, that what we stand for is apparent. And yes, we are all doing really well, just doing it irl. Warm hugs from S.F.
A thoughtful post, Fran. Absent the terminology and, of course, social media, this is an old discussion. Back in 1979 or '80, I asked John Holt for advice about this very thing: my concern that as a progressive home educator believing in children's rights and being interviewed by the media, I found myself seeming to promote things I didn't believe in (i.e. patriarchy, religion, etc). He told me not to worry, that we're all under the same, big umbrella. I have to wonder what his answer would be today if he were alive. Part of my personal solution ended up being not using any descriptor that used the word "school."
Wendy that is fascinating!! And amazing you could bring it up to him. Perhaps the answer made sense then, not sure it’s still valid now though! I can totally see why it makes sense to seek the things that unite us.. but often unity ends up looking like complicity with things we are morally not okay with. Interesting though that this is an old convo that you and others have had before.
John and I were colleagues in the early days of kickstarting what he called the “unschooling” community — he in the US and I in Canada. My husband and I were in the early days of publishing our first magazine, Natural Life, and he asked for tips as he prepared to launch his Growing Without Schooling. When people in Canada asked him for help starting to homeschool, he referred them to me, and vice versa. So we also shared ideas and concerns (including mine that the term “unschooling” would come back to haunt). The issue of complicity comes up these days in so many aspects of life, as people stereotype, sort, and label others. (That’s taught in school! ;-)
I appreciate all the research and details you've included! I have been thinking about this topic a lot and hope to write something about eventually. I think about how I would love to see our society value care work and domestic activities and move away from the idea that women have to lean in or do things the way men do in order to gain power and value. And it is interesting to me that in some ways the internet trad wives are promoting care work and domesticity and making money or fame from these pursuits, giving domestic work more value. But of course they do this while also, presumably, supporting systems and ideas that are exclusive and harmful.
As much as I think about all this trad wife stuff, I tend to stay away from actually looking at their accounts and reading your piece also made me realize that I find it hard to believe that women really do submit to men and give up agency. Partially because the trad wives on social media are at least able to run their accounts and probably also because I am in my liberal SAHM bubble.
Yeah I’m not actually sure how many trad wives are actually traditional wives - bc in some ways they perform domesticity while actually girl-bossing (making content, doing promotions, etc etc). It’s so super weird. I don’t love the way they are coming to “own” the conversation around domestic work. I’d love to read your thoughts when you’re ready!!
excellent writing Franny 🤌🏼
Having grown up in the evangelical church and far right arena, thank you for this article. It’s definitely hard to be associated with that world, although I think unschoolers are a little outside of it. Hey, if HSLDA won’t represent you, maybe you’re doing something right? 😉
I was raised to think stay at home motherhood was the best. Ironically, my mother worked full time since I was school age, but all the literature I consumed from evangelicals told me staying home with your kids was the best - next to being a missionary, of course (and submit to your husband!). It never occurred to me that maybe one day I would need a career or other source of income until I read The Feminine Mistake. So while right now I’m a bit burned out, I’m treading water with my work and keeping it alive, and I would advocate for every mom to have some kind of work, or a solid plan for how she might get back to work when she wants to.
Not sure where I’m going with this other than yes, to me trad wives are dangerous (remind me of handmaids tale 😬). I feel like I barely made it out. Let’s reclaim homeschooling and unschooling from the far right! 🙌🏻
Fran! This article..! So well said.
These ideas have been top of mind over here too.
On the homeschool journey you’re sure to meet:
A libertarian anti-vaxer, who’s mistaken personal preferences for “freedom”
A a traditional Christian values homeschool family who teaches “religious science”
A homeschool influencer of various flavors, trad-wife being one.
AND us… the hard left leaning, rights of the child, social justice minded, approaching the journey as an opportunity for the familial (r)evolution … we need a hashtaggable short-hand.
I really enjoyed this article, Fran. 🖤
We DO need a hashtaggable short-hand!! I hope you're well Heather, and thanks for reading :)
We totally DO! Silence can look like alliance and it’s important, as you said, that what we stand for is apparent. And yes, we are all doing really well, just doing it irl. Warm hugs from S.F.
A thoughtful post, Fran. Absent the terminology and, of course, social media, this is an old discussion. Back in 1979 or '80, I asked John Holt for advice about this very thing: my concern that as a progressive home educator believing in children's rights and being interviewed by the media, I found myself seeming to promote things I didn't believe in (i.e. patriarchy, religion, etc). He told me not to worry, that we're all under the same, big umbrella. I have to wonder what his answer would be today if he were alive. Part of my personal solution ended up being not using any descriptor that used the word "school."
Wendy that is fascinating!! And amazing you could bring it up to him. Perhaps the answer made sense then, not sure it’s still valid now though! I can totally see why it makes sense to seek the things that unite us.. but often unity ends up looking like complicity with things we are morally not okay with. Interesting though that this is an old convo that you and others have had before.
John and I were colleagues in the early days of kickstarting what he called the “unschooling” community — he in the US and I in Canada. My husband and I were in the early days of publishing our first magazine, Natural Life, and he asked for tips as he prepared to launch his Growing Without Schooling. When people in Canada asked him for help starting to homeschool, he referred them to me, and vice versa. So we also shared ideas and concerns (including mine that the term “unschooling” would come back to haunt). The issue of complicity comes up these days in so many aspects of life, as people stereotype, sort, and label others. (That’s taught in school! ;-)
I appreciate all the research and details you've included! I have been thinking about this topic a lot and hope to write something about eventually. I think about how I would love to see our society value care work and domestic activities and move away from the idea that women have to lean in or do things the way men do in order to gain power and value. And it is interesting to me that in some ways the internet trad wives are promoting care work and domesticity and making money or fame from these pursuits, giving domestic work more value. But of course they do this while also, presumably, supporting systems and ideas that are exclusive and harmful.
As much as I think about all this trad wife stuff, I tend to stay away from actually looking at their accounts and reading your piece also made me realize that I find it hard to believe that women really do submit to men and give up agency. Partially because the trad wives on social media are at least able to run their accounts and probably also because I am in my liberal SAHM bubble.
Yeah I’m not actually sure how many trad wives are actually traditional wives - bc in some ways they perform domesticity while actually girl-bossing (making content, doing promotions, etc etc). It’s so super weird. I don’t love the way they are coming to “own” the conversation around domestic work. I’d love to read your thoughts when you’re ready!!