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Krista Savio (she/her)'s avatar

As someone who as a teen had sexual and romantic relationships with adults, there is some really triggering things here for me. I have spent the last couple decades returning to the question of consent around these relationships again and again. And what I’ve found is that some of those relationships were truly consensual but a vast majority were not. In a patriarchal and adultist world, as a young femme, I was in fact manipulated in ways that made me believe I was a consenting - that I was even empowered in making certain decisions - when I was not. But, when I was in a relationship with someone in their mid twenties when I was in my mid-teens, it was in fact consensual. I’m not sure where this all fits in or lands with conversations around consent, but I feel like exploring the idea of statutory rape (which, if I had lived in most places in the US, these relationships would have been) is a useful place to explore the idea of consent more. I am personally against statutory rape laws - at least as they are in place now - because they are mostly weaponized in racist, heterosexist and adultist ways on people in consenting relationships, even as they masquerade as “protection” for young people. However, I can think of many situations in which consent of a young person in a sexual or romantic relationship with an adult is highly questionable because of the power dynamics of an adultist society. Of course, the end of all this is the end adultism. In the meantime, while we are in the story in between the old and new, what these kinds of relationships bring forward in us and our society seems like an important and illuminating place to discuss consent and childhood

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Beth Hankoff's avatar

I like the way you're framing this. I find consent difficult to explain, especially with people whose thinking about children is opposite to this. Maybe some of the confusion is in the difference between consent and responsibility. Some may hear consent advocates saying to let children be completely in charge and responsible for their own lives. As if we won't provide any coaching, advice, or safety precautions. Your examples help clarify that consent is more about listening and taking into account children's feelings and opinions. As an adult, I am free to speak my mind about things, but that doesn't mean I always get what I want! Hopefully, it means that everyone’s wants and needs are considered in making decisions for the family or group. I'm really enjoying reading these posts and learning more ways to think about consent.

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