I like “parenthood” instead of “parenting”! The first time I came across the concept of consent in the parent-child relationship was in an Alfie Kohn lecture back in 2007 or so. He didn’t call it consent, but he said his approach (outlined in the book “Unconditional Parenting,” could be thought of as “working with” instead of “doing to.” He espoused discussing issues with your child and getting their input. I love how the concept is broadening now with a new generation of parents. (I’ll be the older lady cheering you on!)
i love the intergenerational exchange!! And yes, parenthood feels good to me too and I love Alfie Kohn except that he is not a fan of unschooling and SDE and I deeply disagree with his reasoning on that, obviously!
I haven’t had a chance to say that I’m so intrigued and impressed by your decision to publish your book here in your substack. Really enjoyed this chapter. I definitely still struggle with letting go of control and all of the cultural messages around that but I love the possibilities of collaboration, connection, and supporting each other.
My daughter, at 4- almost 5, screamed at me "ADULTS CAN'T TELL KIDDIES WHAT TO DO!" - which I think demonstrates the emphasis on consent that she had lived with up to that point. It was tragic to have to explain to her that is not the standard of the society we live in. That, in fact, many adults believe it is their job to tell kids what to do. And tell other adults what to do.
I am just learning this lens as "consent" though I have arrived at similar conclusions from the perspective of "personal epistemology" - a seemingly equally nebulous concept. Personal epistemology takes into account the implicit beliefs one has about knowledge and knowing- that in my opinion direct our actions, our ownership and responsibility for our thoughts and the interactions we experience out in the world. A belief system that is first shaped by the actions of adults on children through parenting and schooling. I think there is a interesting intersection between consent and personal epistemology here; as well as at the level of interactions that guides how adults interact with one another, too.
Oooooo I’ve never heard it described like that and I’m so curious now!! I’d love to know more if you ever share or write something about it. I think in the end we all find the words that resonate for us, to describe very similar things! That’s the beauty of words. We can all arrive at very similar conclusions through different processes and ways of thinking.
I like “parenthood” instead of “parenting”! The first time I came across the concept of consent in the parent-child relationship was in an Alfie Kohn lecture back in 2007 or so. He didn’t call it consent, but he said his approach (outlined in the book “Unconditional Parenting,” could be thought of as “working with” instead of “doing to.” He espoused discussing issues with your child and getting their input. I love how the concept is broadening now with a new generation of parents. (I’ll be the older lady cheering you on!)
i love the intergenerational exchange!! And yes, parenthood feels good to me too and I love Alfie Kohn except that he is not a fan of unschooling and SDE and I deeply disagree with his reasoning on that, obviously!
We’ll have to convince him! 🙂
I haven’t had a chance to say that I’m so intrigued and impressed by your decision to publish your book here in your substack. Really enjoyed this chapter. I definitely still struggle with letting go of control and all of the cultural messages around that but I love the possibilities of collaboration, connection, and supporting each other.
Thank you Anna!! And I struggle with all of that too. It runs so deep!
My daughter, at 4- almost 5, screamed at me "ADULTS CAN'T TELL KIDDIES WHAT TO DO!" - which I think demonstrates the emphasis on consent that she had lived with up to that point. It was tragic to have to explain to her that is not the standard of the society we live in. That, in fact, many adults believe it is their job to tell kids what to do. And tell other adults what to do.
I am just learning this lens as "consent" though I have arrived at similar conclusions from the perspective of "personal epistemology" - a seemingly equally nebulous concept. Personal epistemology takes into account the implicit beliefs one has about knowledge and knowing- that in my opinion direct our actions, our ownership and responsibility for our thoughts and the interactions we experience out in the world. A belief system that is first shaped by the actions of adults on children through parenting and schooling. I think there is a interesting intersection between consent and personal epistemology here; as well as at the level of interactions that guides how adults interact with one another, too.
Oooooo I’ve never heard it described like that and I’m so curious now!! I’d love to know more if you ever share or write something about it. I think in the end we all find the words that resonate for us, to describe very similar things! That’s the beauty of words. We can all arrive at very similar conclusions through different processes and ways of thinking.