I’ve heard most iterations of this thought process but the fact that you really spent some time hashing it out has helped me to realize I still have some reckoning in terms of matching my values to my behaviors. Thank you.
This rings true. I would say we are architects of the child’s environment. Everything else is them, in my view. Obviously, you want to create the best environment you can for that child, and then in my view you kind of sit back and watch. And tend. I guess what I would say is, with 4 children I’ve got a sturdy tree, a fairly delicate by gorgeous flower, some wild grass, and a little patch of clover. Depending on weather and season, some need more help and different help than others. Say, a stake or some fertilizer. But I would also say, the adult gaze perpetuates an idea of control. We don’t actually control our children unless we convince them that we do, and I generally think that’s a pretty terrible thing to do…instead of assuring them that they’re independent actors. Because otherwise, how can we expect them to function when we aren’t around? Right? They need to be able to stand on their own, however that may look, because we won’t / can’t / shouldn’t be there.
I’ve heard most iterations of this thought process but the fact that you really spent some time hashing it out has helped me to realize I still have some reckoning in terms of matching my values to my behaviors. Thank you.
This rings true. I would say we are architects of the child’s environment. Everything else is them, in my view. Obviously, you want to create the best environment you can for that child, and then in my view you kind of sit back and watch. And tend. I guess what I would say is, with 4 children I’ve got a sturdy tree, a fairly delicate by gorgeous flower, some wild grass, and a little patch of clover. Depending on weather and season, some need more help and different help than others. Say, a stake or some fertilizer. But I would also say, the adult gaze perpetuates an idea of control. We don’t actually control our children unless we convince them that we do, and I generally think that’s a pretty terrible thing to do…instead of assuring them that they’re independent actors. Because otherwise, how can we expect them to function when we aren’t around? Right? They need to be able to stand on their own, however that may look, because we won’t / can’t / shouldn’t be there.