This resonated with where I am. Except the pull of school is quite strong at times — my eldest went through the system right from nursery and is now doing A Levels in sixth form college. He enjoyed it (except for the covid years) and got a lot out of it. And yet he was/is so different to my youngest, who would struggle immensely in school. And yet home ed is a struggle too, just a different kind of struggle, and the least bad fit for her at the moment.
Homeschooling was similar for me. I believe in it in theory, but my own situation was a rescue mission. My sons are autistic, and the older one struggles a lot. School was not a fit for him. He's extremely bright, but he can't do pointless things. Sometimes he can't do much of anything. I was not a good teacher for him at the time. Being a professional teacher made it worse! I felt pressure to "teach him things." I wish I had known more about unschooling, but he kind of found it on his own, since school was never challenging. He would watch YouTube videos and learn history, languages, all kinds of things. I live in a city with several co-op options, so I felt more community than in public school.
My hope is that group alternatives like microschools and self-directed learning centers will continue to grow and be funded with grants or government money so no one has to pay. Ideally, people would be able to choose how many days/hours their child spent there. School is a choice I had to make after a point, for many reasons. Other than giving me a little break, it was not particularly useful, and it was damaging for my older son.
I agree with you that being a professional teacher makes homeschooling so much harder! I walk that road too, and have had to unlearn a lot in order to enjoy homeschooling my children at home, including my two with Down syndrome. I always laugh when people say homeschooling is easier for me because I was a teacher!
Thank you for writing this. I needed to hear it. Am a newbie (technically in year 2 of this but still stumbling my way along). Really feel the constraints on expressing frustration or overwhelm because I ‘chose’ this. Finding community has been the biggest challenge for us so the online community is such a support so thank you again for your insight. ❤️
With you on both those fronts!! I'm running a meet-up next week where we'll talk about socialization, friendships and community and I'd love it if you joined, timezone permitting!
Thank you for this, Fran. This topic has been on my mind so often lately. We are going through something very similar over here. It's such a tricky place to be, and I appreciate your vulnerability.
Sending love your way and hoping the impending arrival of Spring breathes new life into this lifestyle for both you and your family. The community piece and additional support from extended family or close friends are crucial elements that we can't afford to overlook or ignore when we turn away from school. It can't always be sunshine and rainbows, and maybe this not so great period is needed to balance out all the gold still to come ✨
This is such a important conversation and one that my friends and I chat about often. It's like you're not allowed to say it's all a bit shit right now as you just get the, "well you should have sent them to school" line. Home ed can be tough, IS tough. Each family members needs change over time so you have to keep evaluating what's working, what isn't. Come up with alternative ways of doing things and like you said, sometimes just acknowledge that periods of life are shitty. We need to be able to voice this and make space for others to do the same, especially our children. Thanks Fran 🙏
Thanks for this. I don’t think we talk enough about the many ways in which home/unschooling is hard.
We’ve had incredibly beautiful homeschooling years where everything felt aligned. My energy was almost fully on creating lovely experiences for my small children and their friends, who were the children of my best friends. They were little and still wanted what I wanted for them.
We’ve had years of intense struggle.
And now we’re like you, somewhere in between, at least from my perspective. We’re doing the best we can with the opportunities available. My teen and my littlest aren’t interested in the cool alternative programs that we have access to - they like being self-directed at home. My middle goes to several different drop off programs, but that requires a lot of driving for me, without my actually getting to spend time in community.
I used to create the programs I wanted for my kids, which meant I spent time with other home educators every week, and the kids had built in playtime. I’m constrained from doing that now by having three kids at different ages and stages. We at least have one weekly co-op left, but it’s very small, and not the same. It’s challenging.
I think you nailed it though Fran that we are going to have extended ups and downs in homeschooling. We know that happens for school kids. It happens in families too.
I am comforted by how much more flexible and responsive we can be as unschoolers though. I’m so proud of my kids for learning about themselves, who they are, and what they love. Also when they want to say no to the outside world and just be for awhile. That’s valid too.
AND I still really, really crave a full day or two a week to work on my own stuff. I’m so ready.
Yes! I felt every single word of this!! And i agree we don’t talk about the hard stuff enough, perhaps because it’s a “choice” and so we are told you’re not supposed to complain about something you chose.. whether it’s actually a free choice is another matter! And yes to the changes when kids start to get older. We’re also at a stage when my eldest doesn’t always want to come along to what my youngest is doing.. so I do a lot of taking people places!
I’ve been in this place more in the past two years than any other time. I so wish all schools were democratic schools! Three of my kids would truly love that. I’m not sure parents are meant to be around their children all day every day for much of childhood. But what we’re doing, it’s the imperfect solution that is our best option, just like you. We happen to live relatively rurally, and there does seem to be genuine community around the local school, so if my youngest ever decided to go (she’s 5 and the only one asking about it - but anytime she realizes it means giving up all the things we do in a week, she says “one day I’ll go”) she might like it. For now, we keep on keeping on, just like you. Hang in there!
I really hear you. I’m not electively home educating any more but there are no accessible alternatives for some of my children. But even when I was doing it through choice it was bloody hard work, it just aligned better with my views on learning. Hope the rest of your week is gentle x
Thank you and yes. It’s just never the easy route, at least not in my experience. And it’s even harder when you know school isn’t actually a viable back-up! I’m sorry that is the case for some of your children. We all deserve better.
This resonated with where I am. Except the pull of school is quite strong at times — my eldest went through the system right from nursery and is now doing A Levels in sixth form college. He enjoyed it (except for the covid years) and got a lot out of it. And yet he was/is so different to my youngest, who would struggle immensely in school. And yet home ed is a struggle too, just a different kind of struggle, and the least bad fit for her at the moment.
Homeschooling was similar for me. I believe in it in theory, but my own situation was a rescue mission. My sons are autistic, and the older one struggles a lot. School was not a fit for him. He's extremely bright, but he can't do pointless things. Sometimes he can't do much of anything. I was not a good teacher for him at the time. Being a professional teacher made it worse! I felt pressure to "teach him things." I wish I had known more about unschooling, but he kind of found it on his own, since school was never challenging. He would watch YouTube videos and learn history, languages, all kinds of things. I live in a city with several co-op options, so I felt more community than in public school.
My hope is that group alternatives like microschools and self-directed learning centers will continue to grow and be funded with grants or government money so no one has to pay. Ideally, people would be able to choose how many days/hours their child spent there. School is a choice I had to make after a point, for many reasons. Other than giving me a little break, it was not particularly useful, and it was damaging for my older son.
I agree with you that being a professional teacher makes homeschooling so much harder! I walk that road too, and have had to unlearn a lot in order to enjoy homeschooling my children at home, including my two with Down syndrome. I always laugh when people say homeschooling is easier for me because I was a teacher!
Thank you for writing this. I needed to hear it. Am a newbie (technically in year 2 of this but still stumbling my way along). Really feel the constraints on expressing frustration or overwhelm because I ‘chose’ this. Finding community has been the biggest challenge for us so the online community is such a support so thank you again for your insight. ❤️
With you on both those fronts!! I'm running a meet-up next week where we'll talk about socialization, friendships and community and I'd love it if you joined, timezone permitting!
That sounds lovely. I’m actually in Ireland so might not work but thank you for the suggestion. ❤️
Thank you for this, Fran. This topic has been on my mind so often lately. We are going through something very similar over here. It's such a tricky place to be, and I appreciate your vulnerability.
Sending love and yes it is tricky xx
Sending love your way and hoping the impending arrival of Spring breathes new life into this lifestyle for both you and your family. The community piece and additional support from extended family or close friends are crucial elements that we can't afford to overlook or ignore when we turn away from school. It can't always be sunshine and rainbows, and maybe this not so great period is needed to balance out all the gold still to come ✨
That's what I'm going to believe!! thanks for your words.
Thanks Fran I needed to read this!
I'm so glad it resonated with you x
This is such a important conversation and one that my friends and I chat about often. It's like you're not allowed to say it's all a bit shit right now as you just get the, "well you should have sent them to school" line. Home ed can be tough, IS tough. Each family members needs change over time so you have to keep evaluating what's working, what isn't. Come up with alternative ways of doing things and like you said, sometimes just acknowledge that periods of life are shitty. We need to be able to voice this and make space for others to do the same, especially our children. Thanks Fran 🙏
Thanks for reading and I agree we need to talk about this more, and also recognise that it’s not always gonna be easy and that’s okay.
Thanks for this. I don’t think we talk enough about the many ways in which home/unschooling is hard.
We’ve had incredibly beautiful homeschooling years where everything felt aligned. My energy was almost fully on creating lovely experiences for my small children and their friends, who were the children of my best friends. They were little and still wanted what I wanted for them.
We’ve had years of intense struggle.
And now we’re like you, somewhere in between, at least from my perspective. We’re doing the best we can with the opportunities available. My teen and my littlest aren’t interested in the cool alternative programs that we have access to - they like being self-directed at home. My middle goes to several different drop off programs, but that requires a lot of driving for me, without my actually getting to spend time in community.
I used to create the programs I wanted for my kids, which meant I spent time with other home educators every week, and the kids had built in playtime. I’m constrained from doing that now by having three kids at different ages and stages. We at least have one weekly co-op left, but it’s very small, and not the same. It’s challenging.
I think you nailed it though Fran that we are going to have extended ups and downs in homeschooling. We know that happens for school kids. It happens in families too.
I am comforted by how much more flexible and responsive we can be as unschoolers though. I’m so proud of my kids for learning about themselves, who they are, and what they love. Also when they want to say no to the outside world and just be for awhile. That’s valid too.
AND I still really, really crave a full day or two a week to work on my own stuff. I’m so ready.
Yes! I felt every single word of this!! And i agree we don’t talk about the hard stuff enough, perhaps because it’s a “choice” and so we are told you’re not supposed to complain about something you chose.. whether it’s actually a free choice is another matter! And yes to the changes when kids start to get older. We’re also at a stage when my eldest doesn’t always want to come along to what my youngest is doing.. so I do a lot of taking people places!
I’ve been in this place more in the past two years than any other time. I so wish all schools were democratic schools! Three of my kids would truly love that. I’m not sure parents are meant to be around their children all day every day for much of childhood. But what we’re doing, it’s the imperfect solution that is our best option, just like you. We happen to live relatively rurally, and there does seem to be genuine community around the local school, so if my youngest ever decided to go (she’s 5 and the only one asking about it - but anytime she realizes it means giving up all the things we do in a week, she says “one day I’ll go”) she might like it. For now, we keep on keeping on, just like you. Hang in there!
Good to know we’re not alone in this!
I really hear you. I’m not electively home educating any more but there are no accessible alternatives for some of my children. But even when I was doing it through choice it was bloody hard work, it just aligned better with my views on learning. Hope the rest of your week is gentle x
Thank you and yes. It’s just never the easy route, at least not in my experience. And it’s even harder when you know school isn’t actually a viable back-up! I’m sorry that is the case for some of your children. We all deserve better.