I've never paid my kids to do academic work. Like you, it doesn't feel right to me, and I don't want to impose that kind of power dynamic.
However, this week I offered $100 as a reward for consenting to sedation for extensive dental work that we've tried to get done in other ways for years. So that's what I was thinking about in reading this post. That doesn't feel great either, to be honest, but neither does letting a child's teeth decay... Not super relevant to your musings really. Except that even with valuing consent so highly, sometimes parenting is just freaking hard.
Also, I think some parents feel that level of desperation about something like finishing high school and just generally being okay in this messed up world (even though we all know that finishing high school is no guarantee of anything). So then perhaps I can relate just a little bit to the idea of "I'll buy you a car if you..." or "$100 for each A"...
I also laughed at the part about the sticker chart because I've totally had that experience. One child who asked for a chart, made it, and rewarded herself (she would have done it all anyway, regardless). And another who would have a meltdown just from looking at such a thing.
I didn’t think of medical care but thanks for bringing this up, because perhaps this is something I’d be willing to reward my kids for if I couldn’t get them to agree any other way - bc ultimately getting needed care is more important! So I totally get that.
I read this article and seriously considered the idea because, like the author, I love diving into a good book and I would like my kids to know that joy (of course just because I like it doesn't mean they will). Our kids do get a weekly allowance that isn't tied to anything so they aren't very motivated by money otherwise. At the same time, after years of homeschooling and unschooling , I am finally seeing that the trust I have been trying to have can actually be real trust that they know what they need and they will learn many of the things they need. I told one kid that I encourage them to read because I want them to know the joy of good books and they have started reading more off and on. I read to my other kid every night and when I'm not home they read to themselves so I think may have formed a habit. I'm grateful that trying to trust has gotten us to this point, but I know different things work for every family.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. The thing about trust and partnership is it’s a long game right? And it offers no assurances ita going to “work” in any particular way.. and so I get why people feel rewarding is quicker and easier. That said, the longer more convoluted path has generally worked for us.
This is so ironic or timely or something? We just issued a $10 a book reading challenge to our kids. The catch was it was for physical books. Normally I don’t do rewards for anything related to academics for all the reasons you mentioned that I agree with, but we thought a lot about it before issuing the challenge. Would I do it again for anything else? Probably not. But I don’t regret this one exception. Anyways, you can read more of my thoughts on my recent post.
Love the coincidence of us writing about this at the same time haha. I had this post almost finished for months, and picked it uo again a few days ago..
I've never paid my kids to do academic work. Like you, it doesn't feel right to me, and I don't want to impose that kind of power dynamic.
However, this week I offered $100 as a reward for consenting to sedation for extensive dental work that we've tried to get done in other ways for years. So that's what I was thinking about in reading this post. That doesn't feel great either, to be honest, but neither does letting a child's teeth decay... Not super relevant to your musings really. Except that even with valuing consent so highly, sometimes parenting is just freaking hard.
Also, I think some parents feel that level of desperation about something like finishing high school and just generally being okay in this messed up world (even though we all know that finishing high school is no guarantee of anything). So then perhaps I can relate just a little bit to the idea of "I'll buy you a car if you..." or "$100 for each A"...
I also laughed at the part about the sticker chart because I've totally had that experience. One child who asked for a chart, made it, and rewarded herself (she would have done it all anyway, regardless). And another who would have a meltdown just from looking at such a thing.
I didn’t think of medical care but thanks for bringing this up, because perhaps this is something I’d be willing to reward my kids for if I couldn’t get them to agree any other way - bc ultimately getting needed care is more important! So I totally get that.
I read this article and seriously considered the idea because, like the author, I love diving into a good book and I would like my kids to know that joy (of course just because I like it doesn't mean they will). Our kids do get a weekly allowance that isn't tied to anything so they aren't very motivated by money otherwise. At the same time, after years of homeschooling and unschooling , I am finally seeing that the trust I have been trying to have can actually be real trust that they know what they need and they will learn many of the things they need. I told one kid that I encourage them to read because I want them to know the joy of good books and they have started reading more off and on. I read to my other kid every night and when I'm not home they read to themselves so I think may have formed a habit. I'm grateful that trying to trust has gotten us to this point, but I know different things work for every family.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. The thing about trust and partnership is it’s a long game right? And it offers no assurances ita going to “work” in any particular way.. and so I get why people feel rewarding is quicker and easier. That said, the longer more convoluted path has generally worked for us.
i love seeing you roll your eyes while you write Franny 🥹😌🫀
Hehe there’s a lot of it!!
This is so ironic or timely or something? We just issued a $10 a book reading challenge to our kids. The catch was it was for physical books. Normally I don’t do rewards for anything related to academics for all the reasons you mentioned that I agree with, but we thought a lot about it before issuing the challenge. Would I do it again for anything else? Probably not. But I don’t regret this one exception. Anyways, you can read more of my thoughts on my recent post.
went over there and read your post! I'll share here if anyone else is interested in a slightly different approach! https://substack.com/@thissimplebalance/note/p-155773874?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=4cmx3
Love the coincidence of us writing about this at the same time haha. I had this post almost finished for months, and picked it uo again a few days ago..