This really echoes all my feelings and the slope of homeschooling kids and all that jazz.
I have 4 kids and decided to homeschool as my first approached schooling age. We also live in a very rural area, so I was led to this for more than one reason. I read books and analyze and feel unschooling and eclectic homeschooling is more in my repertoire. Ha! Whatever that is, really! I work also and I try to write. I have 4 kids, 9 and under. To other homeschoolers, I've asked time and time again, how do you juggle all the shit? I mean like, this silly curriculum and the books and the supplies and all my time and their time when you also have diapers and juices to make and you never sleep through the night?! Overwhelming. And absolutely makes you feel like you're failing in more way than one.
So obviously I'm drawn to unschooling and connecting. I know we may be in it this way today and I'm okay with evolving as we go. But I definitely definitely!! want to do whatever the fuck I want! :)
I found you on Amanda Montei's substack. Nice to "meet" you! Going to go find/stalk your social media now! But really, thank you for this share and can't wait to read more.
Hi Sarah! Thanks for being here!! Sometimes I wonder whether it wouldn’t be easier to just open a curriculum 😂 but my kids just don’t love that so here we are! And also I love the freedom this gives us.
Wow I stumbled across this post at just the right time! My 5yo has been complaining she doesn't like school because they keep telling her what to do, and they don't say please! My rational brain wanted to say, "you have to do what you're told at school" but everything in me fought against that and I couldn't articulate why. Reading you talk about consent, I think that's exactly it. I want to teach her autonomy and the value of consent, and questioning, and frickin manners (she's right, they should at least say please!). I've hated the school system ever since she started. I want to rip her out of school and start homeschooling every single day, but I have so many worries. I totally agree about our system having a very narrow idea of what people should know, but that knowledge is what qualifications are based on, so how will I, as a non-teacher, make sure she can gain the qualifications she needs to be able to get into the world of work? How would I juggle homeschooling two children of different ages and with very different needs and approaches once her younger brother reaches school age? How will I give her the social interaction and sense of community achievements she gets in a school full of children when it's just us? She's on the school council at the moment, which she loves and she's really proud of - I can't replicate things like that. And one of the biggest worries is, how will I juggle homeschooling with work? Because we cannot afford for me to not bring in a decent income. I hate sending her to school but I can't see a way to taking her out!
Hi Allegra, I'm so glad you're here. And yeah those are some huge questions many of us are still asking ourselves. Firstly I will say this: we can honor our child's consent, and we can create a culture at home that decenters schooling, and centres consent, humanity and the values we care about most, AND still send our kids to school. There are so many ways we can push back on teachers and schools assumptions about how things should be done. In fact, we need parents who are school-going and who do seek to make changes within schools. I don't think home education is the only way - and I speak often about how non-ideal homeschooling/unschooling is for many people. That said, it was the way we chose that made more sense for us. But I was able and willing to leave my job at the time - and I recognise this is not the case for everyone. What I'm saying is: homeschooling is not the solution on a larger scale. We also need more childcare and education settings that understand consent and self-direction. But your 5 year old is so right to have those thoughts and feelings, and I would lead with that - honoring them and explaining to her about adultism and how it is baked into every single institution and in the very ways we relate to children.. and how consent is the way we push back on that. I'm not trying to persuade you not to homeschool haha.. I love what we do of course. I'm just trying to say that it is not necessarily the right thing for every single family, and that you can absolutely centre the same values at home while having a child in school. It will be tough - but you can do it. That said, if you do decide to home educate, yay for you too! Those worries are all normal and valid AND you and your child will be absolutely fine :)) I think we are led to worry about all the things our kids will miss out on, and we don't see all the things they gain. No matter how you choose to live. you will miss out on some things and gain others - there is no way to do all the things!
Thank you! Funnily enough, having talked my husband round to homeschooling (he was not keen initially), we sat down to ask our daughter if that's what she wanted and she said she'd like to stay at school! So now I'm not sure what to do. But it will be good to think about how we can balance the two rather than having to make an either/or choice. I actually do a lot of work with schools (I'm a diversity and inclusion consultant and a creative wellbeing practitioner) so I wonder if there's scope to introduce some of these topics into my work with teachers. Food for thought!
Oh this tis brilliant! It is a slippery slope, in the best possible sense! I remember when our first child was about 2 I came across a book called Free Range Education, I was scared to even open it as I knew it would send our family onto a whole new tragectory 😆 and it did! We had the desire for something "else" already as we had set up an outdoor, child-led preschool and our children loved it so much that we just carried on loving it, playing in the woods and following their lead so they never went to school. 12 years later we're still doing the same ❤️ But reading that book, clicked immediately and then I read everything and anything about unschooling, self directed education and I could see it all in action naturally with our children. We've evoked and grown over the years but that first book was the turning point!
I think Free Range Education was the first book I bought back in 2009! But I still made a timetable on our first day...😆 That lasted about a week and then, yes, unschooling just kind of 'happened!' It was such a beautiful journey for us. I mourn those days now my girl is coming up for 17! 🧡🙏🏻🍂
I feel like diving into minimalism paved the way for me to unschool. One alternative, counter-cultural decision leads to another, right? I, like you, was philosophically convinced of unschooling before we fully practiced, but my “no looking back” moment was when I pushed fractions instruction of all things on my oldest, and caused her intense math anxiety - for no good reason, I might add. And after that, I vowed never again, and we have been fully unschooling every since. So technically deschooling took me 6 years.
This really echoes all my feelings and the slope of homeschooling kids and all that jazz.
I have 4 kids and decided to homeschool as my first approached schooling age. We also live in a very rural area, so I was led to this for more than one reason. I read books and analyze and feel unschooling and eclectic homeschooling is more in my repertoire. Ha! Whatever that is, really! I work also and I try to write. I have 4 kids, 9 and under. To other homeschoolers, I've asked time and time again, how do you juggle all the shit? I mean like, this silly curriculum and the books and the supplies and all my time and their time when you also have diapers and juices to make and you never sleep through the night?! Overwhelming. And absolutely makes you feel like you're failing in more way than one.
So obviously I'm drawn to unschooling and connecting. I know we may be in it this way today and I'm okay with evolving as we go. But I definitely definitely!! want to do whatever the fuck I want! :)
I found you on Amanda Montei's substack. Nice to "meet" you! Going to go find/stalk your social media now! But really, thank you for this share and can't wait to read more.
Hi Sarah! Thanks for being here!! Sometimes I wonder whether it wouldn’t be easier to just open a curriculum 😂 but my kids just don’t love that so here we are! And also I love the freedom this gives us.
Exactly! I totally get it! I don't much like those either, haha! Thank yoooou!
Wow I stumbled across this post at just the right time! My 5yo has been complaining she doesn't like school because they keep telling her what to do, and they don't say please! My rational brain wanted to say, "you have to do what you're told at school" but everything in me fought against that and I couldn't articulate why. Reading you talk about consent, I think that's exactly it. I want to teach her autonomy and the value of consent, and questioning, and frickin manners (she's right, they should at least say please!). I've hated the school system ever since she started. I want to rip her out of school and start homeschooling every single day, but I have so many worries. I totally agree about our system having a very narrow idea of what people should know, but that knowledge is what qualifications are based on, so how will I, as a non-teacher, make sure she can gain the qualifications she needs to be able to get into the world of work? How would I juggle homeschooling two children of different ages and with very different needs and approaches once her younger brother reaches school age? How will I give her the social interaction and sense of community achievements she gets in a school full of children when it's just us? She's on the school council at the moment, which she loves and she's really proud of - I can't replicate things like that. And one of the biggest worries is, how will I juggle homeschooling with work? Because we cannot afford for me to not bring in a decent income. I hate sending her to school but I can't see a way to taking her out!
Hi Allegra, I'm so glad you're here. And yeah those are some huge questions many of us are still asking ourselves. Firstly I will say this: we can honor our child's consent, and we can create a culture at home that decenters schooling, and centres consent, humanity and the values we care about most, AND still send our kids to school. There are so many ways we can push back on teachers and schools assumptions about how things should be done. In fact, we need parents who are school-going and who do seek to make changes within schools. I don't think home education is the only way - and I speak often about how non-ideal homeschooling/unschooling is for many people. That said, it was the way we chose that made more sense for us. But I was able and willing to leave my job at the time - and I recognise this is not the case for everyone. What I'm saying is: homeschooling is not the solution on a larger scale. We also need more childcare and education settings that understand consent and self-direction. But your 5 year old is so right to have those thoughts and feelings, and I would lead with that - honoring them and explaining to her about adultism and how it is baked into every single institution and in the very ways we relate to children.. and how consent is the way we push back on that. I'm not trying to persuade you not to homeschool haha.. I love what we do of course. I'm just trying to say that it is not necessarily the right thing for every single family, and that you can absolutely centre the same values at home while having a child in school. It will be tough - but you can do it. That said, if you do decide to home educate, yay for you too! Those worries are all normal and valid AND you and your child will be absolutely fine :)) I think we are led to worry about all the things our kids will miss out on, and we don't see all the things they gain. No matter how you choose to live. you will miss out on some things and gain others - there is no way to do all the things!
Thank you! Funnily enough, having talked my husband round to homeschooling (he was not keen initially), we sat down to ask our daughter if that's what she wanted and she said she'd like to stay at school! So now I'm not sure what to do. But it will be good to think about how we can balance the two rather than having to make an either/or choice. I actually do a lot of work with schools (I'm a diversity and inclusion consultant and a creative wellbeing practitioner) so I wonder if there's scope to introduce some of these topics into my work with teachers. Food for thought!
Oh this tis brilliant! It is a slippery slope, in the best possible sense! I remember when our first child was about 2 I came across a book called Free Range Education, I was scared to even open it as I knew it would send our family onto a whole new tragectory 😆 and it did! We had the desire for something "else" already as we had set up an outdoor, child-led preschool and our children loved it so much that we just carried on loving it, playing in the woods and following their lead so they never went to school. 12 years later we're still doing the same ❤️ But reading that book, clicked immediately and then I read everything and anything about unschooling, self directed education and I could see it all in action naturally with our children. We've evoked and grown over the years but that first book was the turning point!
I think Free Range Education was the first book I bought back in 2009! But I still made a timetable on our first day...😆 That lasted about a week and then, yes, unschooling just kind of 'happened!' It was such a beautiful journey for us. I mourn those days now my girl is coming up for 17! 🧡🙏🏻🍂
Ha! How funny, "lasted about a week" love that! 🙌
Once you see it you can’t unsee it!!!
Exactly!
I feel like diving into minimalism paved the way for me to unschool. One alternative, counter-cultural decision leads to another, right? I, like you, was philosophically convinced of unschooling before we fully practiced, but my “no looking back” moment was when I pushed fractions instruction of all things on my oldest, and caused her intense math anxiety - for no good reason, I might add. And after that, I vowed never again, and we have been fully unschooling every since. So technically deschooling took me 6 years.
We all have our breakthrough moments right? I have had several, because frankly it took me years to really lean in. Thanks for sharing yours!