So funny that I picked this post up today. I just had two conversations on Friday and yesterday exactly about this!! On Friday I spoke with Gina Riley who is working on a book about Bias in the unschooling/ homeschooling realm and yesterday I spoke to a Québécoise Ph.D. level researcher and Montessori educator about her small study involving 5 Canadian grown Unschoolers (https://sciendo.com/article/10.2478/jped-2021-0002) which included several who had a very negative, isolated and neglected experience! It really alerted me to how home education can go really wrong. She also pointed me to the 5 protective factor theory which I hadn’t heard of before.
More conversations need to be had about the bias and judgement in the unschooling and homeschooling community!!
Yeah I really do think we can be excited about unschooling while also looking honestly at the ways it can lead to harm. What do you mean by bias in the unschooling world? Would love to know more.
By bias, I mean that many people who are unschooling might consider public schooling a “bad” way to educate children and have a strong bias against it. The same is true for any form of school.  And, of course, vice-versa, with parents choosing public schooling being biased against homeschooling. When I discussed my research proposal with Gina Riley, she was concerned about us researchers seeking links between unschooling or self-led education and other things, such as self-actualization at midlife in my case, when there may not be any links there (at least that was my interpretation). So, I think she is just very mindful of checking in with one’s biases and preconceptions or presuppositions when discussing any form of learning for children. 
I had my own concerns about bias when Peter Gray shared his latest book proposal on the research group call this month, where he argued that it is not social media and Internet use that is leading to teenage angst and suicide rates (Jonathan Haidt’s book), but that it is the way that the school system has changed in the last 50 years that is creating it because more and more opportunities for play are being taken out of the school day for children, for example that recess has been shortened from one hour to 20-30 minutes. However, I said to him I could see somebody writing precisely the same book about what is contributing to teenage angst and making the focal point of processed foods, which also have an impact on children’s mental health. So I asked him about his bias, and he literally commented that he hadn’t seen any studies that UPFs hurt children’s mental health. 🤔🤔?!?
Oh I see. Thanks for bringing bias up because o agree it’s such a big issue. We WANT to believe that some things are true bc it validates our choices but we still need to be able to step back. And yeah - the social media theory is missing a lot but I equally don’t necessarily agree with Peter Gray’s assessment because obviously he would say that!! And also there are probably a ton of other things we could find correlations around right? I’d love to hear more about your research!
Exactly all of this, yes. Causality and correlation. Very different things. I was surprised at Peter’s lens to be honest. Yes we MUST talk more about my research - we could walk and talk sometime (if you’re all zoomed out!)
Ah! I wrote this VERY long comment and it deleted before I sent it! Boo!!! Just wanted to pop on and say this is so good and I have so many thoughts and appreciated this so much. I’ll retype what I said soon.
I’ve been to that Reddit thread - definitely a hard place to be as an unschooling parent. I walked away with similar conclusions. And I’ve been thinking a lot about kids not wanting to direct themselves, and wanting someone to tell them what to do instead. Is this a grass is greener situation? Or just lack of parental support/involvement? Lots to think about.
that's a good question and i'm really not sure. part of me thinks that if they were properly supported in a self-directed environment, they would be okay, because self-direction can take so many routes right? You can totally decide to follow a curriculum or enroll in a program or classes or whatever, and still be self-directed if it was your decision. So i lean towards lack of parental involvement, but I worry that a lot of unschoolers don't actually consider more structured learning self-directed, in which case unschooling/SDE becomes the issue (not in itself, but the interpretation of it). Also - could totally be a grass is greener situation too!! It's hard to tell because we only have the poster's account of the situation. But if they're miserable enough to pop into a homeschool recovery thread.. well, that tells us something right there. what do you think? is it possible that some children just don't want to be self-directed at all, in any way?
It’s hard to say…I was that kid. I just wanted the road map to success, tell me what to do and I’ll do it. I “did school” well, and it was comforting because I knew the rules and what was expected of me, and I was good at following rules and jumping through hoops. But I wasn’t given another option.
same here, very relatable. I was also pretty good and just following the roadmap i was given, and in some ways it kept me on track. perhaps i would have felt utterly lost had i chosen (or known i could choose) to opt out. but ultimately.. it sort of led me in the same place, except with more academic "achievements" (which i don't necessarily need). like right now im fully committed to self-directing my own work and life. but perhaps that has also come with knowing how ultimately unhelpful it was to be told what to do for 20+ years.
Wonderful article. My first reaction on visiting #homeschoolrecovery Reddit (which I did as soon as I started reading your piece lol 😂) was to leave in the comments an invitation to join the ASDE discord server! Imagine if as unschooling adults and parents we welcomed the teens who are so desperately looking for community and validation. My second thought was maybe that’s a form of saviorism and it would be better to center the experience of these kids who have found a place to vent and build community among their peers.
Adultism lies at the heart of this abuse. Feeling powerless and not heard is the norm for oppressed children. It would be interesting to examine whiteness through the experience of these redditors. I also really appreciated the Instagram link to the ctznwell post stating “people should never be the collateral damage of your theology”
And your poppies are gorgeous. Do they come back every year? Want.
ok re poppies: yes they do! I do nothing!! they just grow back - the best kind of flower imo hehe. re the reddit thread - yeah it’s hard to not jump in but i don’t think that’s what these young people are looking for. they don’t seem at all receptive to reconsidering homeschooling, which is completely understandable. they just really need tangible help, most of them, or to rant/vent. it’s a tough one Katy, i feel this too. thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!
Honestly, my biggest fear is that my daughter will grow up hating that she was homeschooled.
As she approaches five and her friends are getting ready to enter school, I find her asking often about when she will be able to go to school too. I’m not even sure how to approach this question. We do need some flexibility with travel when she is young (my husband spends about 6 months on and off overseas) and I am not opposed to letting her try school as she gets older but we definitely would prefer to take the home educating path first. So if you have any insight please share!
I have this fear too! My oldest at age 5 was sad to not go back to prek at the age of 6 and one day begged me to go to kindergarten. We sent him to prek but planned to homeschool after that. He missed his friends —and this was also during Covid. So when we went to meet the teacher for our co-op he was sad bc he wanted it to be more days like prek. In a fit of upset he told me that I just was being selfish and wanted to keep him home and it gutted me!
I got to the bottom of it later that he missed his friends and knew that once we started co-op and our other activities as things opened up more that he’d meet friends. Sure enough he did and loves co-op and other extracurricular he does.
This article was so good, Fran! And so much to think about and agreed with others who said it was so brave to go on that Reddit board lol
I was also triggered some but so glad I pressed through. So eye opening and good to know.
I have been reading a lot of religious trauma stories and a lot —of course—were homeschooled and so have very complex feelings about homeschooling—rightfully so.
I love how you said this doesn’t deter you from consent-based education/life without school and if anything bolsters your confidence in your intention to have a trust based, open communication with your kids.
I had a fab convo with my kids this week as a result and emphasized my desires for our communication to be open about their desires. My 8 year old voiced after going to iceskating camp all week that she chose to go to and loved but found out just how tiring it can be to go somewhere 5 days in a row for 6 hours, that she is so glad she isn’t in school to have to always do that. My oldest, almost 10, said he is so glad he doesn’t go to school. But I also told them that as they get older if that changes or whatever it is they can come to me.
I also agree that as a homeschooling community we need to be aware of these kinds of trauma stories. I’ve lately felt I don’t know where I fit, either. I’ve been seeing such problematic messaging in so many homeschool circles and social media. Especially about the keep kids out of school bc of woke agendas. Just like the one teen talked about. I, like you, fear a bit that many homeschooled teens feel isolated if they’re being homeschooled out of fear.
It’s also surprising like you said that religion wasn’t mentioned a ton but I also wonder if the woke agenda stuff is tied to religion bc it typically is.
Anyways as always thanks for all this! Such a good info and I’d love to keep chatting about it!
Wow I love that you all spoke openly about this. It can be so hard to hear our kids say things that feel tough for us or that we disagree with. I prob didn’t deal with it super well when mine were younger, but we’re all getting better at it!
I hear you, this was definitely a fear for me too! It’s hard at your daughter’s age because she sees everyone else start school and it looks so new and exciting. What I did for my kids at that age is try to fill their lives with as much fun and other kids and activities that basically meant they wouldn’t trade it for anything else.. and as they got older they began to recognise how much autonomy they would lose by going back to school. We’ve been to see schools a few times in the past four years, and each time they ended up deciding not to go. At age 6, I feel like you can still make that call and persevere, especially if it also works better for all of you in terms of travel and flexibility. It’s unlikely they will regret staying home at that age! But as time goes on I think it becomes super important to start to open up options, or at least to listen to their thoughts and collaborate on options. So basically - you’re okay for now! In a way you are preserving your child’s wholeness because you know how coercive school can be, and they don’t. And with time you’ll be able to have deeper convos about this, exchange ideas and build connections for them outside of school - and if they still choose to go back at some point, well, that’ll be okay too of course! Hope that helps x
Very brave of you to venture into the Reddit thread and thank you for sharing. I like to think that I’m not putting my kids in these situations but it is helpful to often be reminded that connection, collaboration, support, and listening to my kids are essential.
So funny that I picked this post up today. I just had two conversations on Friday and yesterday exactly about this!! On Friday I spoke with Gina Riley who is working on a book about Bias in the unschooling/ homeschooling realm and yesterday I spoke to a Québécoise Ph.D. level researcher and Montessori educator about her small study involving 5 Canadian grown Unschoolers (https://sciendo.com/article/10.2478/jped-2021-0002) which included several who had a very negative, isolated and neglected experience! It really alerted me to how home education can go really wrong. She also pointed me to the 5 protective factor theory which I hadn’t heard of before.
More conversations need to be had about the bias and judgement in the unschooling and homeschooling community!!
Yeah I really do think we can be excited about unschooling while also looking honestly at the ways it can lead to harm. What do you mean by bias in the unschooling world? Would love to know more.
By bias, I mean that many people who are unschooling might consider public schooling a “bad” way to educate children and have a strong bias against it. The same is true for any form of school.  And, of course, vice-versa, with parents choosing public schooling being biased against homeschooling. When I discussed my research proposal with Gina Riley, she was concerned about us researchers seeking links between unschooling or self-led education and other things, such as self-actualization at midlife in my case, when there may not be any links there (at least that was my interpretation). So, I think she is just very mindful of checking in with one’s biases and preconceptions or presuppositions when discussing any form of learning for children. 
I had my own concerns about bias when Peter Gray shared his latest book proposal on the research group call this month, where he argued that it is not social media and Internet use that is leading to teenage angst and suicide rates (Jonathan Haidt’s book), but that it is the way that the school system has changed in the last 50 years that is creating it because more and more opportunities for play are being taken out of the school day for children, for example that recess has been shortened from one hour to 20-30 minutes. However, I said to him I could see somebody writing precisely the same book about what is contributing to teenage angst and making the focal point of processed foods, which also have an impact on children’s mental health. So I asked him about his bias, and he literally commented that he hadn’t seen any studies that UPFs hurt children’s mental health. 🤔🤔?!?
Oh I see. Thanks for bringing bias up because o agree it’s such a big issue. We WANT to believe that some things are true bc it validates our choices but we still need to be able to step back. And yeah - the social media theory is missing a lot but I equally don’t necessarily agree with Peter Gray’s assessment because obviously he would say that!! And also there are probably a ton of other things we could find correlations around right? I’d love to hear more about your research!
Exactly all of this, yes. Causality and correlation. Very different things. I was surprised at Peter’s lens to be honest. Yes we MUST talk more about my research - we could walk and talk sometime (if you’re all zoomed out!)
I would LOVE to hear more! I’m so weary of the fear mongering. I’d love zoom/walk/talk! Yes, the bias is astounding for sure.
Hi Stephanie! Sure! Let’s talk. Text me? 808-203 0595
Ah! I wrote this VERY long comment and it deleted before I sent it! Boo!!! Just wanted to pop on and say this is so good and I have so many thoughts and appreciated this so much. I’ll retype what I said soon.
I’ve been to that Reddit thread - definitely a hard place to be as an unschooling parent. I walked away with similar conclusions. And I’ve been thinking a lot about kids not wanting to direct themselves, and wanting someone to tell them what to do instead. Is this a grass is greener situation? Or just lack of parental support/involvement? Lots to think about.
that's a good question and i'm really not sure. part of me thinks that if they were properly supported in a self-directed environment, they would be okay, because self-direction can take so many routes right? You can totally decide to follow a curriculum or enroll in a program or classes or whatever, and still be self-directed if it was your decision. So i lean towards lack of parental involvement, but I worry that a lot of unschoolers don't actually consider more structured learning self-directed, in which case unschooling/SDE becomes the issue (not in itself, but the interpretation of it). Also - could totally be a grass is greener situation too!! It's hard to tell because we only have the poster's account of the situation. But if they're miserable enough to pop into a homeschool recovery thread.. well, that tells us something right there. what do you think? is it possible that some children just don't want to be self-directed at all, in any way?
It’s hard to say…I was that kid. I just wanted the road map to success, tell me what to do and I’ll do it. I “did school” well, and it was comforting because I knew the rules and what was expected of me, and I was good at following rules and jumping through hoops. But I wasn’t given another option.
same here, very relatable. I was also pretty good and just following the roadmap i was given, and in some ways it kept me on track. perhaps i would have felt utterly lost had i chosen (or known i could choose) to opt out. but ultimately.. it sort of led me in the same place, except with more academic "achievements" (which i don't necessarily need). like right now im fully committed to self-directing my own work and life. but perhaps that has also come with knowing how ultimately unhelpful it was to be told what to do for 20+ years.
Wonderful article. My first reaction on visiting #homeschoolrecovery Reddit (which I did as soon as I started reading your piece lol 😂) was to leave in the comments an invitation to join the ASDE discord server! Imagine if as unschooling adults and parents we welcomed the teens who are so desperately looking for community and validation. My second thought was maybe that’s a form of saviorism and it would be better to center the experience of these kids who have found a place to vent and build community among their peers.
Adultism lies at the heart of this abuse. Feeling powerless and not heard is the norm for oppressed children. It would be interesting to examine whiteness through the experience of these redditors. I also really appreciated the Instagram link to the ctznwell post stating “people should never be the collateral damage of your theology”
And your poppies are gorgeous. Do they come back every year? Want.
❤️
ok re poppies: yes they do! I do nothing!! they just grow back - the best kind of flower imo hehe. re the reddit thread - yeah it’s hard to not jump in but i don’t think that’s what these young people are looking for. they don’t seem at all receptive to reconsidering homeschooling, which is completely understandable. they just really need tangible help, most of them, or to rant/vent. it’s a tough one Katy, i feel this too. thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!
Honestly, my biggest fear is that my daughter will grow up hating that she was homeschooled.
As she approaches five and her friends are getting ready to enter school, I find her asking often about when she will be able to go to school too. I’m not even sure how to approach this question. We do need some flexibility with travel when she is young (my husband spends about 6 months on and off overseas) and I am not opposed to letting her try school as she gets older but we definitely would prefer to take the home educating path first. So if you have any insight please share!
I have this fear too! My oldest at age 5 was sad to not go back to prek at the age of 6 and one day begged me to go to kindergarten. We sent him to prek but planned to homeschool after that. He missed his friends —and this was also during Covid. So when we went to meet the teacher for our co-op he was sad bc he wanted it to be more days like prek. In a fit of upset he told me that I just was being selfish and wanted to keep him home and it gutted me!
I got to the bottom of it later that he missed his friends and knew that once we started co-op and our other activities as things opened up more that he’d meet friends. Sure enough he did and loves co-op and other extracurricular he does.
This article was so good, Fran! And so much to think about and agreed with others who said it was so brave to go on that Reddit board lol
I was also triggered some but so glad I pressed through. So eye opening and good to know.
I have been reading a lot of religious trauma stories and a lot —of course—were homeschooled and so have very complex feelings about homeschooling—rightfully so.
I love how you said this doesn’t deter you from consent-based education/life without school and if anything bolsters your confidence in your intention to have a trust based, open communication with your kids.
I had a fab convo with my kids this week as a result and emphasized my desires for our communication to be open about their desires. My 8 year old voiced after going to iceskating camp all week that she chose to go to and loved but found out just how tiring it can be to go somewhere 5 days in a row for 6 hours, that she is so glad she isn’t in school to have to always do that. My oldest, almost 10, said he is so glad he doesn’t go to school. But I also told them that as they get older if that changes or whatever it is they can come to me.
I also agree that as a homeschooling community we need to be aware of these kinds of trauma stories. I’ve lately felt I don’t know where I fit, either. I’ve been seeing such problematic messaging in so many homeschool circles and social media. Especially about the keep kids out of school bc of woke agendas. Just like the one teen talked about. I, like you, fear a bit that many homeschooled teens feel isolated if they’re being homeschooled out of fear.
It’s also surprising like you said that religion wasn’t mentioned a ton but I also wonder if the woke agenda stuff is tied to religion bc it typically is.
Anyways as always thanks for all this! Such a good info and I’d love to keep chatting about it!
Wow I love that you all spoke openly about this. It can be so hard to hear our kids say things that feel tough for us or that we disagree with. I prob didn’t deal with it super well when mine were younger, but we’re all getting better at it!
I hear you, this was definitely a fear for me too! It’s hard at your daughter’s age because she sees everyone else start school and it looks so new and exciting. What I did for my kids at that age is try to fill their lives with as much fun and other kids and activities that basically meant they wouldn’t trade it for anything else.. and as they got older they began to recognise how much autonomy they would lose by going back to school. We’ve been to see schools a few times in the past four years, and each time they ended up deciding not to go. At age 6, I feel like you can still make that call and persevere, especially if it also works better for all of you in terms of travel and flexibility. It’s unlikely they will regret staying home at that age! But as time goes on I think it becomes super important to start to open up options, or at least to listen to their thoughts and collaborate on options. So basically - you’re okay for now! In a way you are preserving your child’s wholeness because you know how coercive school can be, and they don’t. And with time you’ll be able to have deeper convos about this, exchange ideas and build connections for them outside of school - and if they still choose to go back at some point, well, that’ll be okay too of course! Hope that helps x
Very brave of you to venture into the Reddit thread and thank you for sharing. I like to think that I’m not putting my kids in these situations but it is helpful to often be reminded that connection, collaboration, support, and listening to my kids are essential.
It really is! And I find it helpful to not shy away from the underbelly of homeschooling because ultimately we’re all connected.