So many reasons for homeschooling/unschooling! And we can go on and on, right? I’ve been lucky enough to learn about this option before our daughter reached school age and to have my husband on board. We are preparing ourselves to provide this option for her.
Not only are we misunderstood and questioned by people around us, but there’s often a misconception that allowing a child to decide their preferences is somehow wrong. I’m struggling to find a balance in this. Is my child going to be harmed by actually having an option? Or is this idea simply the result of the belief that kids don’t know what’s best for them?
You mentioned previous generations, but how many generations before the school system were actually able to learn? And now, in a modern society where the possibilities to learn anything are endless, isn’t this the perfect era to move away from such a rigid system?
These questions are very alive for me as I have one child homeschooling after going into burnout trying to attend a small early education focused kindergarten and two others still attending school. Just a few months of straddling the two approaches has really clarified my thinking and values around learning and education (we will be heading toward fully homeschooling). I still find it incredibly hard to have conversations around the issues though because assumptions run so deep. It seems almost threatening in some circles to suggest that there might be a better option than “school” for my kids.
So threatening, I agree. I avoid conversations like this if I know people will have negative reactions, it's just not worth it. I wish we could have normal convos about this topic but often it's just too emotional, or people are just very set in their ways.
We chose homeschooling when our kids were tiny, as a rejection of coercion, and also an embracing of a homeschooling lifestyle.
We are lucky enough to have interesting homeschool enrichment programs and opportunities for my older kids, such that they have always had choices. I wouldn’t change it, but I have often wished for more time for myself.
I also relate to feeling a lack of real choices for complex kids. My youngest isn’t able/interested in participating in any of the homeschool opportunities available. I’m finding a new way with one-on-one mentorships. It’s quite expensive, and far fewer hours a week than I would like. If we could afford a full time mentor for him I would do it in a heartbeat.
Marni I am SO with you on that last part (on all of it, really). L also doesn't always want to join group homeschool things and I've had to work super hard to organising playdates, and also finding adults who will mentor him - and that too, doesn't always go well because adults can really "teachy" which he has an immediate negative reaction to. It continues to be challenging! Even homeschooling is not ideal.
I can relate to many of these parents’ stories. My older son was homeschooled for a few months in second grade and for a year and a half of 3rd and 4th. I was excited at the possibility of this working for him, and it seemed to work better than other options. It might have succeeded had we known about unschooling! We also had little and mostly erroneous information on what support he needed for autism.
I did also feel pushed into it because the teachers and staff treated him poorly and decided all his deficits were willful defiance. I had little support, and the available activities also resulted in adults concluding he was bad. (In two different cases what he did “wrong” was fail to stop touching plastic science tools that were placed in front of him. At age 7, he was kicked out of class for that!)
I also have thoughts about why school isn't good enough anymore. I think to some extent it is part of the pressure on parents to provide a perfect childhood for their kids. But we also know so much more about learning and especially what happens to children who are the slightest bit different. We realize their anxiety is real and their need to learn in different ways is real. I went to elementary school in the 70’s - in LA Unified. Parents just dropped us off and figured this is what you do. No one questioned anything. I went to high school at a private progressive school because 7th grade was so horrible I just stopped going.
My parents were in the education field, too! My father has passed down his John Holt books to me. Despite what they knew, I guess they just trusted the schools. I think Gen X started or strengthened a movement toward more open thinking about societal institutions.
I think you're right, Beth. We just know more about how children learn, and we've also become more willing to listen to our children and connect with them. To be fair, the research on more child-led education has been going on for a very long time, but perhaps it's taken a while to trickle down to the general public?
I feel I need to share one of my twins apparent school "successes"....(both in mainstream education , for which is grateful but also see the flaws and the cookie cutter model it expect from our children)
"Mummy I got the super sitter award!" He delights..
On deeper diving I would say the super sitter award is a success in the schools eyes but not mine.
My other twin did not get the "super sitter award" that week... what does that make him.. a shit sitter?!? So his virtue and worth is based in his sitting?!?
Need I say more
Thank you for writing this post - very rich and insightful 💗🙏🏻
oh gosh.. sometimes I really do wonder how school admin/teachers don't see what me and you see in this story. Like, does nobody thing about how this might feel for children to be assessed and rewarded in this way?
So many reasons for homeschooling/unschooling! And we can go on and on, right? I’ve been lucky enough to learn about this option before our daughter reached school age and to have my husband on board. We are preparing ourselves to provide this option for her.
Not only are we misunderstood and questioned by people around us, but there’s often a misconception that allowing a child to decide their preferences is somehow wrong. I’m struggling to find a balance in this. Is my child going to be harmed by actually having an option? Or is this idea simply the result of the belief that kids don’t know what’s best for them?
You mentioned previous generations, but how many generations before the school system were actually able to learn? And now, in a modern society where the possibilities to learn anything are endless, isn’t this the perfect era to move away from such a rigid system?
Thank you for writing about this, Fran.
These questions are very alive for me as I have one child homeschooling after going into burnout trying to attend a small early education focused kindergarten and two others still attending school. Just a few months of straddling the two approaches has really clarified my thinking and values around learning and education (we will be heading toward fully homeschooling). I still find it incredibly hard to have conversations around the issues though because assumptions run so deep. It seems almost threatening in some circles to suggest that there might be a better option than “school” for my kids.
So threatening, I agree. I avoid conversations like this if I know people will have negative reactions, it's just not worth it. I wish we could have normal convos about this topic but often it's just too emotional, or people are just very set in their ways.
We chose homeschooling when our kids were tiny, as a rejection of coercion, and also an embracing of a homeschooling lifestyle.
We are lucky enough to have interesting homeschool enrichment programs and opportunities for my older kids, such that they have always had choices. I wouldn’t change it, but I have often wished for more time for myself.
I also relate to feeling a lack of real choices for complex kids. My youngest isn’t able/interested in participating in any of the homeschool opportunities available. I’m finding a new way with one-on-one mentorships. It’s quite expensive, and far fewer hours a week than I would like. If we could afford a full time mentor for him I would do it in a heartbeat.
Marni I am SO with you on that last part (on all of it, really). L also doesn't always want to join group homeschool things and I've had to work super hard to organising playdates, and also finding adults who will mentor him - and that too, doesn't always go well because adults can really "teachy" which he has an immediate negative reaction to. It continues to be challenging! Even homeschooling is not ideal.
I can relate to many of these parents’ stories. My older son was homeschooled for a few months in second grade and for a year and a half of 3rd and 4th. I was excited at the possibility of this working for him, and it seemed to work better than other options. It might have succeeded had we known about unschooling! We also had little and mostly erroneous information on what support he needed for autism.
I did also feel pushed into it because the teachers and staff treated him poorly and decided all his deficits were willful defiance. I had little support, and the available activities also resulted in adults concluding he was bad. (In two different cases what he did “wrong” was fail to stop touching plastic science tools that were placed in front of him. At age 7, he was kicked out of class for that!)
I also have thoughts about why school isn't good enough anymore. I think to some extent it is part of the pressure on parents to provide a perfect childhood for their kids. But we also know so much more about learning and especially what happens to children who are the slightest bit different. We realize their anxiety is real and their need to learn in different ways is real. I went to elementary school in the 70’s - in LA Unified. Parents just dropped us off and figured this is what you do. No one questioned anything. I went to high school at a private progressive school because 7th grade was so horrible I just stopped going.
My parents were in the education field, too! My father has passed down his John Holt books to me. Despite what they knew, I guess they just trusted the schools. I think Gen X started or strengthened a movement toward more open thinking about societal institutions.
I think you're right, Beth. We just know more about how children learn, and we've also become more willing to listen to our children and connect with them. To be fair, the research on more child-led education has been going on for a very long time, but perhaps it's taken a while to trickle down to the general public?
I feel I need to share one of my twins apparent school "successes"....(both in mainstream education , for which is grateful but also see the flaws and the cookie cutter model it expect from our children)
"Mummy I got the super sitter award!" He delights..
On deeper diving I would say the super sitter award is a success in the schools eyes but not mine.
My other twin did not get the "super sitter award" that week... what does that make him.. a shit sitter?!? So his virtue and worth is based in his sitting?!?
Need I say more
Thank you for writing this post - very rich and insightful 💗🙏🏻
oh gosh.. sometimes I really do wonder how school admin/teachers don't see what me and you see in this story. Like, does nobody thing about how this might feel for children to be assessed and rewarded in this way?