So this is very interesting. I guess where I stumble is - what is the role of wisdom here? The role of experience? I personally would feel relatively lost and have a more difficult time making decisions without the knowledge framework that was built (with ans without my consent) from the age of roughly 6-25 years old. I often encounter in my working life people whose education was less rigorous and complete than mine - whether in self care or in traditional mathematical / literary / scientific / historical education, and I see the huge gaps in their ability to solve problems and to work out solutions. So I’m not sure that hurling children into decision making and autonomy is really the answer - it might lead to short term pleasure but long term challenges? Ultimately when you are 30 and have 3 days to do a project for your job (the job that, say, provides you with sustenance etc) and you have no process to fall back on and thus fail, because you have travelled the narrow path of your interests all your life rather than being forced to sample lots of useless at the time stuff that comes in handy later - is this the end goal?
It’s challenging because I can see that short term happiness, calm, and enjoyment comes with autonomy and consent based parenting, but I’m not sure that it’s not my responsibility to build a broader base for my child, willingly or not. As in all things, I think there os a balance, because we can’t know the future, and present joy has value. But I also think there is value in building up a scaffolding of experiences that is broader than the thing that gives us joy only in the moment.
ok I think the broad answer to that for me, is partnership and relationship. So building a connected, trusting relationship with my child so that they will sometimes trust me to make decisions or support them when things feel hard/when the situation demands it. And also work on partnering - so for example rather than leave them to figure out how to get themselves ready or complete something for a deadline, working with them to do it. In this way I support them in achieving something they want to achieve, but we get there together - and I have more experience of doing this so I can break it down for them and sort of hand-hold a bit if they need me to. But ultimately, the thing they're working towards is their choice. so that's where consent comes in, and autonomy. They get to choose their activities and aims and the work they do. So like, partnering in a consent-based way will be supporting my child and working together towards something they've chosen, as opposed to something I've decided they need to do. That said, I partner with L for teeth brushing because that it super hard for him. If it were up to him he wouldn't do it. But we've agreed that it's necessary for health, we've talked about why, we've discussed ways that would make it easier and that he can be successful at. Thanks for commenting!! I love discussing this!
So this is very interesting. I guess where I stumble is - what is the role of wisdom here? The role of experience? I personally would feel relatively lost and have a more difficult time making decisions without the knowledge framework that was built (with ans without my consent) from the age of roughly 6-25 years old. I often encounter in my working life people whose education was less rigorous and complete than mine - whether in self care or in traditional mathematical / literary / scientific / historical education, and I see the huge gaps in their ability to solve problems and to work out solutions. So I’m not sure that hurling children into decision making and autonomy is really the answer - it might lead to short term pleasure but long term challenges? Ultimately when you are 30 and have 3 days to do a project for your job (the job that, say, provides you with sustenance etc) and you have no process to fall back on and thus fail, because you have travelled the narrow path of your interests all your life rather than being forced to sample lots of useless at the time stuff that comes in handy later - is this the end goal?
It’s challenging because I can see that short term happiness, calm, and enjoyment comes with autonomy and consent based parenting, but I’m not sure that it’s not my responsibility to build a broader base for my child, willingly or not. As in all things, I think there os a balance, because we can’t know the future, and present joy has value. But I also think there is value in building up a scaffolding of experiences that is broader than the thing that gives us joy only in the moment.
ok I think the broad answer to that for me, is partnership and relationship. So building a connected, trusting relationship with my child so that they will sometimes trust me to make decisions or support them when things feel hard/when the situation demands it. And also work on partnering - so for example rather than leave them to figure out how to get themselves ready or complete something for a deadline, working with them to do it. In this way I support them in achieving something they want to achieve, but we get there together - and I have more experience of doing this so I can break it down for them and sort of hand-hold a bit if they need me to. But ultimately, the thing they're working towards is their choice. so that's where consent comes in, and autonomy. They get to choose their activities and aims and the work they do. So like, partnering in a consent-based way will be supporting my child and working together towards something they've chosen, as opposed to something I've decided they need to do. That said, I partner with L for teeth brushing because that it super hard for him. If it were up to him he wouldn't do it. But we've agreed that it's necessary for health, we've talked about why, we've discussed ways that would make it easier and that he can be successful at. Thanks for commenting!! I love discussing this!